I have finished my fast. It was a time of renewal and a time of reflection. I am very grateful that I have had the time to sit at the Jesus' feet and I have been able to learn from Him! The one thing that I wanted most out of this fast, was to know God much more intimately than I have ever know Him and I can say honestly I truly am closer to Him, and what a sweet place to be! I have come to the conclusion, that I will let Him have control of my life, for I truly have an understanding that He does have a plan for my life, and it is a plan of good! My many years of trying to wrestle control from Him because of disappointment and mistrust have been in vain. My image of God had been tarnished so that I didn't and wouldn't allow myself to see past all the misconceptions of God and get to know Him for who He really is! What a waste of time and energy on my part, and I can tell you it is very tiring and useless to wrestle with God! So I have decided to raise my hands and say Lord my life is yours, whatever you have planned, I want to do it your way! While I have regrets that I have wasted so many of my years wrestling with God, I am comforted to know that God is a Reedemer of not only of lives, but also of time! So while the first half of my life has been riddled with doubt, pride, and rebellion, I have decided that how ever many years I have left, my heart's desire is to live in complete trust and surrender to whatever God has for me. Is it going to be easy? No, but I believe to the very depth of my heart that God is a God I can trust completely and to be able to even write that, is a miracle in itself! I want to know Him more, and the more I get to know Him, I love him! To know Him is to know His word and so over the next months I am going to be in the Book of Psalms, and I am going to make the commitment to memorize the entire book of Psalms! A big undertaking I realize and when I just told DJ, he shook his head in disbelief! LOL
He said I should start in Habbukuk...LOL But I really want to know God for He is, and the Psalms are filled with his character and attributes! It also is a book filled with human emotion and since I am studying to be a counselor, this book of the Bible will be instrumental in helping me to understand the condition of the human heart. I am excited about this adventure and I am a little intimidated as I know my weaknesses which some times do not allow me to finish things I have started! God is well aware of my weakness and I am depending on Him to walk me through this journey! So let's get packing, and see where this journey is going to take us!
